choosing myself without guilt

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09.02.2025

Lately, I have noticed that people don’t seek my help as much anymore.

It feels strange, but I know why…

It’s because I have stopped constantly offering a helping hand.

And the reason? I am tired.

Being the “nice one” all the time is exhausting.

There’s this unrealistic expectation that if you’ve always been the person who helps, who listens, who’s there, you’ll always be that person.

But at what cost?

After a while, it starts chipping away at your happiness, your energy, your peace.

In the end, it ends with change.

You grow, you start understanding yourself more, loving yourself more.

And eventually, you start choosing yourself more.

You start making decisions based on your happiness and well-being.

They say, "The ones who care the most often become the ones who care the least."

And that’s exactly what happened to me.

After a long, longggg time of feeling like prioritizing myself was some heinous crime. Like I was breaking an unforgivable rule that demanded I put everyone else first.

The guilt would hit twice as hard whenever I prioritized my own needs, as if I were doing something wrong just by acknowledging that my happiness mattered too.

I used to feel obligated to return every favor, like kindness was some sort of binding contract.

Once, a friend referred me for a job where she was working. I was grateful, of course.

But for years, no matter how hard I worked, I felt like every reward, every achievement somehow belonged to her.

It was as if I had to keep repaying that gesture. Even though she never asked for it outright, I felt trapped in a cycle of repayment.

I couldn’t find peace until I finally walked away from the job.

I stopped accepting help from people when I know I wouldn’t be able to return the favor.

If it costs me my well-being, it’s not worth it.

I can’t keep sacrificing myself just to avoid being seen as selfish.

If kindness comes at the expense of my peace, I refuse.

I have done it enough.