something real, something mine

#page11

i want something that’s mine.

truly mine.

not borrowed. not handed down.

not something i had to ask permission to keep.

i want something i built with my own hands,

something that doesn’t vanish the moment someone decides to walk away.

I grew up around borrowed things,

borrowed affection, borrowed peace, borrowed little pockets of okay-ness that never lasted.

Nothing ever really felt like it was mine.

Even though there was love, it never felt strong enough to keep everything from falling apart.

Happiness always came with terms and conditions.

And when happiness is fragile, no matter how unconditional love is, it starts to feel like a weight instead of a light.

I’ve spent years in spaces that never truly felt like home. I’ve seen what temporary looks like. I watched my parents move from place to place, each time hoping this one would be different. But no matter how much we tried to make it feel like ours, the walls always felt like they belonged to someone else.

Maybe that’s when I started craving something permanent. Something I could hold onto. Something that wouldn’t disappear the moment I got attached.

a life where I don’t have to tone myself down to be accepted,

where I don’t have to earn my place by being useful.

Where being me is enough.

Just a quiet corner that’s truly mine.

a space where my breath doesn’t need permission,

a dream that can bloom slowly, without pressure.

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maybe that means building slow.

maybe that means being alone for a while.

maybe that means loving myself louder than anyone else ever has.

and maybe—just maybe—that’ll be enough.

Because I’m done with the half-versions of everything. Done settling for pieces. Done calling temporary things “home.”

done pretending half-love is enough.

i want the whole thing or nothing at all.

I want something honest. Something steady. Something real.

Something I can finally call mine.

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Reminder:

You don’t need to apologize for wanting more.

You deserve a place where you feel whole,

where love doesn’t come with conditions.

You don’t have to prove your worth.

Your presence is enough.

Take your time.

The right things, the real things, will stay.